Saturday, February 14, 2009

THESE ARE NON-POWERS



"Of course, even if they're able to roll with the punches, every so often you should take your tits out for a couple drinks and be like, "You know what? You tits are all right."

I understand when people hate on shit. I do. Because I hate on shit, too. Except the fact, that i TRY TO like shit all the time. I just usually end up being wrong or proven wrong and people just end up accusing me of being an angry weirdo for having stubborn opinions. Regardless, once you see the slightest light of truth, my friends, it is hard to turn away from it. Let's face it, vice's do's and don't is sucking a big fat sweaty donger. More so than ever. The February 2009 issue, is the first issue I've picked up in several months, and I'm almost kind of surprised at how many times I didn't laugh at such remedial jokes. But you know, it's not only the remedial captions that make it far less entertaining or humorous, it's also the internet lurkers that spend their time commenting on things that further demonstrate how much retardation makes itself obnoxiously public at all times. At least even a few years ago you had these internet loc's that would lurk on sites and would at least allow the boards to remain remotely discriminate of genuine lame asses.

Even though everyone is essentially a lame ass, scientifically, there are still some lame asses that leave better comments than others and those are the ones that anyone should bother reading anything from. I mean, in this particular shitty, meaningless caption, i learned that you might as well just show us your shitty tits because obviously as a woman, the only way you will get anywhere in this life is by showing your inferiorly propritioned mammaries. You will NEVER make it on your character alone. or your shitty facial piercing for that matter. Just, stop trying already. What you need to do is lose some fucking weight EVERywhere besides your boobs and someone down the road of crappy vice, flashing interns someone will sing in verse of your ironic tattoo that only lightly plagues and mystifies that alternative beauty that lies beyond. But for now, You only make your tits look smaller with that denim gear, and your overall chance to procreate is depressingly minimal.

That is, according to some shithead that sucked it's weight in dicks to the top of some shitty social ladder of questionable humans. And I only say questionable because not every asian girl or black dude is a style guru DO. Don't be afraid to make fun of minorities for the sake of looking racist, because they are sure as shit not afraid to make fun of you. SO STOP HIDING BEHIND YOUR REDNECK COOLPOINTS and your fake underdog complexity. whatever vice's collective identity might politically correctly justify itself as, it's still all a bullshit copout. honestly, i really shouldn't learn to care about some shitty, depressed 16 year old inuit girl in fucking denmark, because we are all fucking human and nobody should be able to capitalize in money or cool points for essentially recognizing already blatant, cultural differences in others and glamorizing them in commercially chauvenistic and culturally vapid pursuits. I MEAN OF COURSE IF YOU HAVE NO REAL EXPERIENCE WITH ASSIMILATION, CULTURE, OR FOREIGN PEOPLE ALL THESE THINGS ARE OVERWHELMINGLY INTRIGUEING. NATURALLY, ANYONE THAT LOOKS REMOTELY DIFFERENT FROM YOU IS WORTH A MULTI-PAGE SPREAD OF EMPTY THOUGHTS AND SELF-SERVING HUMOR. fuck you vice, you can't even hide behind your shitty skateboarding ads. they all suck.

Friday, February 13, 2009


via JILL C.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

THEFUTUREISNOW.



Sing "Paper planes" until that baby falls out on stage. M.I.A. is holding it down with that body suit. Gwen Stefani's been pregnant like 8 times and Love Baby Music Angel ain't got shit on this dress. THAT BABY'S GOT A GUARANTEED RECORD CONTRACT. IT COULD BE LIKE, WHATEVER I BEEN PLAYING THE GRAMMYS SINCE I WAS A FETUS, BITCH!!!! AND IT WOULD BE TRUE NOBODY COULD DISAGREE. EXCEPT FOR THE ASPIRING AUSTRAILIAN SINGER THAT GOT A RECORD CONTRACT BY BEING ON THE FLIGHT THAT LANDED IN THE HUDSON RIVER. CAUSE SHE COULD BE LIKE, WHATEVER. I ALMOST DIED AND EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD KNOWS ABOUT IT. BECAUSE HOW I ALMOST DIED WAS UNIQUE AND HIGHLY PUBLICIZED. I AM BABY SPICE JESUS. SO GIVE ME A FUCKING MICROPHONE AND LET ME PREACH THE GOOD NEWS. I GOT TO GIVE IT TO HER THOUGH, CAPITALIZING UNDER SOME PECULIAR CIRCUMSTANCES. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW TERRIBLE THE MUSIC VIDEO WILL TURN OUT THOUGH. I'M TRYING TO IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE, IF IT WOULD INVOLVE MILLING AROUND THE PLANE IN DIFFERENT OUTFITS, RANDOM PASSENGERS THAT TURN INTO BACK UP DANCERS. KELLY CLARKSON SHOWS UP SOMEHOW. DETAILS BELOW.



THEFUTUREQUESTIONED.



NEW YORK, Feb. 10 (UPI) -- Emma Sophina, an aspiring singer from Australia who was a passenger on U.S. Airways Flight 1549, has landed a recording contract, Decca Label Group said.
Sophina's first single "Send Another Prayer" is available for download. Her label described the song as an inspirational tribute to hero pilot Chesley Sullenberger and his crew who got everyone onboard the Jan. 15 flight to safety after making an emergency landing on New York's frigid Hudson River when the plane's engines failed.

"They've given me the gift of life. They've let me go on to pursue my dreams. The song is about the fact that I have new life again," Sophina said in a statement.

The 26-year-old singer has also booked appearances on the "CBS Early Show," "Good Morning America," "Larry King Live," "Extra" and Fox News Channel this week, Decca said, adding that a bidding war ensued once the "Prayer" track began circulating.

After several meetings with top labels, Sophina officially signed with Decca, which is releasing the single digitally with additional tracks to be recorded in the coming weeks, the label said.


© 2009 United Press International, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Monday, February 9, 2009

GOOGLESTUMBLES



fucking insanely insane. and by that i mean, it looks like it'd be worth a pretty penny.. nickel, dime, or large oil refinery. on the moon.


LOREN KULESUS




£35.00
Vinyl coated board, wood and metal trimmings. Fully lockable, equipped with two keys and optional adjustable shoulder strap attachment. Each suitcase is individually customised and is subject to slight variations. Exclusive to Couverture.
Size:12 x 23 x 39 cm



so fucking cute. a year too late on this google stumble. the only color left is brown with a lesser desirable sticker set up for that colorway. at least to me. check it out at:



COUVERTURE UK




Atypyk Shut Up tape. $13.00




Python Tape. $16.00. one roll is 60 meteres of bootleg python. not a bad deal, considering at least in europe they hook it up with the meter system. i bought some budget sale lace in japan today and anticipated a yards length and ended up getting a meter! God bless the unfamiliar meter system. It just makes America look fucking stingy.



TAPE EVERYTHING NOW.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

CHOCOLATEMOUTH



tomachi skate spot






piss drunks are actually bootlegs of piss dunks



drunk charts i have no idea what it says




mt fuji staircase, it'd be like rock climbing if there wasn't a rail



i hate it when i'm in the states and people don't get up to let old people or pregnant women sit down on trains. seriously, get off your fucking remedial texting rampage and let some hurting ass people sit down. in this case, quit having chocolate mouth sex with each other on the train and let the blind parapalegic give his nubs a rest.



give me a 9 thousand pieces of currency and i will make you A GOD!!!!!!!



sexy witch hat with party streamers



see what happens when you open a small skate boutique? somehow these guys ingeniously managed to fit their inventory in one standing sign held together by a sale sticker.



freak store actually has really expensive nice crap in it. if i wasn't such a freak and went in i guess i would have never known that.




we ate dinner at this random thai place in harajuku. it was one of those restaurants who's doors and windows are covered so you can't really judge potential from the outside. we went through a hallway and were seated in this fake tiki hut, facing this giant buddha that would change colors. somehow his prescense didn't make me relaxed, it just made me skeptical of the food. but it wasn't bad.my green curry can came with optional naan. i didn't feel open to changing my typical starch medium. but i guess buddha loves all starches and they all deserve to be eaten.



FREESTYLE MEAL NIPPON



soft banks for everyone!!



transworld japan's new slogan?



went to visit CB at his store called "HeshDawgz" in Harajuku.



subway kimonos. taiwan doesn't really have iconic cultural gear the way japan or korea does. but when you're traveling in asia, it's nice to see traditional costumes walking around. it's like living history right in front of you.



designer laces



flew into tokyo and met up with kaori

GETTING CLOSE...



SAW A TOTAL BABE AT THE AIRPORT



AND THEN I TRIED TO MACK.. I TOLD HIM I WAS FLYING TO TOKYO AND HE TOTALLY IGNORED ME, WHAT A DICK!



be different, surf your water



you just wanna' get close to it. until you do, and then you realize everything looks super fake and ghetto.



i thought i saw windsurfing at the airport





THAT DOG NEEDS A BREAK.. A BREAK FROM LOOKING SO CUUUTEE!!



overseas pee talk.



prince of the rodeo has a new home



i think he needs binoculars to see his shot



patti smith with a crate on her face





this spot by my dad's in taiwan is insanely off the hook. its a vendor with his wife that sell midnight fried, spicyhot, barbequed'ish, skewer snacks. i usually get these things called rice dogs that look like hot dogs but they are just rice links, spiced up super hot and cut into pieces for your maximum eating snacking convinience. and of course i get some chicken. then one day it was brought to my attention they had JUST a chicken skin stick. for people that love eating crispy ass chicken skin. throw it in your red tray, get it fired up, and marinated in mystery street sauce. i don't even care if it sounds gross or looks questionable, that's my shiiiiiit!!!!



better yet, this is the bag your snacks come in.


FINKS



My brother lives in the most insane lair of figurines and toys. A lot of them he's had for probably over 20 years, and others are recent acquisitions. He has a lot of these role playing figures, and years worth of displayable anime dolls in complete serieses.is that even a word, serieses? whatever. i got tired of taking pictures of them like 30 figures in. it'd be literally impossible to document his smithsonian sized collection.