Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Sleeping through the winter is called hibernation, while sleeping through hot and dry periods like summer is called estivation.
When Union soldiers cut off supply deliveries to the Confederacy during the Civil War, the south was not able to get paper from northern paper mills. So, Confederate papers were printed on the back of wallpaper peeled off of parlor walls.
Most death penalty executions in the United States are scheduled for 12:01 A.M.
The North Pole is not considered a continent like the South Pole because the ice of the North Pole floats on the ocean, while the ice of the South Pole sits on actual ground – the continent of Antarctica.
The eye chart with the big “E” on top is called a Snellen Chart.
According to doctors, humans suffer an average of 14 episodes of flatulence per day.
The first American-made condoms were made from vulcanized rubber, and were meant to be re-used
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
ONCE UPON A DOUCHEBAG
Once upon a douchebag, I hung out with a friend from San Francisco on a beautiful Sunday afternoon (yesterday ). After watching a painful World Cup finale at Clem's ( Germany VS. Uruguay was a MUCH better game ), I brought my friend Claudia to the waterfront off Kent St. There weren't that many people there and we just hung out by the rocks, catching up on old times, waiting for the sun to poke out from the clouds.
Of course, during times of rare city tranquilness and relaxation, the worst stand up routine will follow you to the edge of the water. This is true in Brooklyn as I found out. One minute a couple of neighborhood dogs running around, the next minute a guitar amp and a mic stand. One of the worst hypemen ever began to pollute the quiet air by pointing out that there were no children present, so he could say shit, fuck, and coochie as much as he wanted to. It was really tasteless, and totally random.
He kept telling people to clap. Nothing's free, especially not claps. You gotta' earn that shit.. He asked this Polish guy sitting with a woman on a bench where he was from. The Polish guy responded, "I'm just drinking my coffee, this is my wife-" to which the hypeman quickly interrupted as if he had waited too long for his punchline and blurted,"I asked you where you were from, I wasn't asking you if you were fucking that girl!!!!!" Yeah, it sounded worse in person. But of course if you got up to leave, this kid would try to clown you as you left. A tradition that would not stop with him.
Then this red tank came up after several minutes and started his set talking about how his shit was sponsored by Maine unemployment. uhhhh.. cool. Then he went on about some other dumb shit I tried to tune out. Random people were trying to laugh at his jokes, but at least 6-8 people had come with their weird expensive macaroni salads only a few minutes prior to these assholes arriving, so I felt like they were all in one shitty unfunny, convoy.
A few minutes later, I look over at this douchebag to suddenly hear him asking my friend and I why we weren't feeling it or something? To which I yelled " If you were actually funny, I'd laugh." I remember seeing this girl with Ray bans on the rocks laugh one of those deep, half laughs, indicating a significant amount of social discomfort at my response.. as if the truth didn't exist in public?
You can probably kind of guess what would develop from this point. My friend and I got up to leave and as we followed the dirt path out, as anticipated of most small personality types, he tries to say some shit about my skateboard. "I saw you try to hit a car with your skateboard earlier!" he announces over the speaker. Douchebag. I said something like," what the fuck are you talking about? You're not even funny. Everyone has to leave the park now cause you have the shittiest jokes ( something like that )." At this point there's around 15 people spread out through the park engaged to hear what he'll say to me as we proceed out of the park.
"Yeah?? WELL You're a BITCH!!!!!!!" He proudly retaliates. A few people laugh, but not really. This is what happens when stand up goes bad in a public park on a Sunday afternoon- there is no acknowledgement of Hey, alright you don't like my jokes see ya- it's just straight up "YOU'RE A BITCH."
People are such pieces of unfunny shit- to think that he thought he could freely air his talentless, chauvinistic, lackluster sense of humor behind a 15 watt amp without my ass in the park saying some shit is probably the biggest joke. Above all, just because your voice has been amplified by a speaker, that does not make what you say instantly FUNNY- it just means you're talking at an above NORMAL VOLUME. So called comedians with zero material and a hundred percent crowd fuckery should be kicked in the balls and thrown in a fire. I hope this guy sinks to the bottom of the ocean with his bad jokes and his terrible stories of angels giving him clean blankets to sleep in. I hope those angels return to take his sorry, unfunny ass back to Maine. With my luck, I'll probably see this douchebag at Robstock this weekend.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
When they say humans aren't naturally superstitious and only rely on science.. you must be fucking joking me..
Though it was a total nail biter of a game, Paul the Octopus was right.. by a crossbar!!!!
Paul Allen, also known as Paul the Octopus (hatched January 2008) is a common octopus living in a tank at a Sea Life Centre in Oberhausen, Germany, who is used as an animal oracle to predict the results of football matches, usually international matches in which Germany is playing. He came to worldwide attention with his accurate predictions in the 2010 World Cup.
During a divination, Paul is presented with two boxes containing food, each marked with the flag of a national football team in an upcoming match. He chose the box with the flag of the winning team in four of Germany's six Euro 2008 matches, and in all seven of their matches in the 2010 World Cup—with Germany's third place playoff win over Uruguay on 10 July, his success rate rose to 85 percent, with 11 out of 13 matches correctly predicted. He has predicted a win for Spain against the Netherlands in the World Cup final on 11 July by eating the mussel in the box with the Spanish flag on it.
Some other German oracles did not fare so well in the World Cup. The animals at the Chemnitz Zoo were wrong on all of Germany's group-stage games, with Leon the porcupine picking Australia, Petty the pygmy hippopotamus spurning Serbia's apple-topped pile of hay, and Anton the tamarin eating a raisin representing Ghana.
Mani the Parakeet of Singapore became famous for correctly predicting the results of all four quarter-final matches. Mani contradicted Paul by picking the Netherlands to win the final, resulting in some media outlets describing the game as an octopus-versus-parakeet showdown.